February | Emotion Tracking, Musings for Inner Landscapes, Shameful Secrets


Hey all,

I'm going to jump right into conversation with you; we are going deep this month! However, before you read on, please check-in with your capacity to receive in this moment. Have you been on a screen all day? What is your energy level? Have you eaten? Not trying to sound like your Cancerian mother! Please take a moment to really feel into where you are, internally and externally. You can always come back to this letter. Today is a New Moon, so I'm inviting some conversation to our shadow, our yin, the 'dark side' of our internal moon.

I'm going to be sharing about 'emotion tracking' this month.

So now is a great time to feel into what that may mean to you.

Some things I say, might feel triggering.

This is an invitation to notice, take a deep breath for your ego,

then see what is beneath the surface of your emotion.

Allowing sensations to reveal themselves at their own pace.

Where I would like to start, is with an example that most of us can relate to. When we are constantly downloading information from the technology at our fingertips, we can become desensitized to what we feel in the silence (the time away from the screen). One of the ways we can notice this similar pattern within our body, is when we can be quick to react before giving our body a chance to respond. Consuming, before giving ourselves consent. By immediately reacting/consuming, we are not giving an emotion space to be seen, felt or give consent. We jump right into survival mode, 'fight or flight'. The more we react, we solely look outside of ourselves. We direct our gaze to the world / people in our lives as being the cause of any activating emotion. In the world we live in now, anything we want to know about externally we have access to by just a magic swipe of our thumbs. This is a HUGE gift, AND it creates a pattern to constantly look outside of ourselves for answers or validation, thus continuing the desensitization of our ability to connect with our body's wisdom. We have so much accessibility to information, and perhaps we are not giving personal consent to receive.

Do you see the similarities here?

The more we seek answer / validation from outside of ourself,

the more we detach from our body.

The more we detach from our body,

the more desensitized we are to our capacity to receive.

The more unsure we are about our openness to receive,

the more we gaslight our emotions.

My intention with this month's letter is not to invoke shame, or the need to 'fix' or 'heal';

it is to deepen the ways we connect to our being.

Unconditionally.

I've been noticing more people on social media add 'trigger warnings' to some of their posts, and I believe this is one way to give us the option if we want to 'download' or not. This connects to tracking our emotions when they begin to rise; it gives us the chance to feel our nervous system say, "Trigger warning!", "How does this align with your current boundaries?" Before all internal alarm systems go off, red flashing lights strobing our organs, and we are acting out a 5 year old trauma response.


Having personal boundaries is also being able to feel what you have the emotional capacity for. This letter isn't just a reflection for those of you that have been told you're 'too sensitive'. May these words provide musing for those of you that self identify with being more, 'emotionally avoidant'. If you avoid your emotions, that's the first thing to track! What emotion are you running from? What is the root of the comfortability in turning away? What makes something or someone, 'too much'? When you step away, are you taking space to actually allow emotion to be present? So that you can respond with integrity, rather than react out of a need to protect / defend? Or, are you 'taking space' by actually attempting to avoid deep emotion all together? Avoidance is still an emotional reaction.

Alrighty, how are we feelin' now?

I told you we were going deep this month!

If needed, take a deep breath, shake it out!

Emotion tracking is a somatic practice to begin noticing which emotions are the most consistent for you. Each emotion is so sacred to our growth. Once you have an awareness of this, you can begin to see where emotion finds a 'home' in your body. There are so many ways we can see patterns of emotional neglect revealing themselves in our body. We can look at attachment theory within relationships, chronic digestive challenges, physical pain, adrenal fatigue, leaky gut, inconsistent menstrual cycles, dissociative trauma response; these all are examples of what our emotions can affect when we keep them at bay. We could be playing out self-sabotaging emotional patterns for YEARS! After noticing this within our body, we can give ourselves the choice to evolve to a more supportive, patient, and compassionate state of being. This supports our nervous system tremendously, as well as anyone we are in close relation with.


We can alchemize our pain into such a vital essence to our growth. We do not have to suffer; that is optional. When we give ourselves the chance to respond, before react, we can give our body the choice on what we need to do next. If rage and anger are coming in hot, rather than lashing out on the next person that used a tone you didn't like, see what it could feel like to respond to that fire burning within you. Create space to move with your emotion, do breath-work, go for a run, do a HITT workout for 30 min, yell into a pillow; these are some basic examples on how to move with the emotion present, without suppression. Then, when you come back into the space of communication you will have given your body what it needs to express yourself in a way that supports your growth.

We can look to nature as a mirror to track what an emotion may need.

Fire needs movement.

Water needs nourishment.

Air needs space for communication.

Earth needs structure, stability.

I am sharing this with you this month because I want to shift the way we view our emotions. I want us to view our body as a uncharted map; emotion being our deep oceans, our winding rivers, rushing rapids, turquoise basins, rainfall, and free falling waterfalls. Emotion can represent something entirely different on your body's map. The point is, we need to learn to view them as approachable and vital for how we release patterns in our life.


We have grown up in a society where our masculine is taught that emotion is weak, failure, insecure, and at all costs should be avoided. Our inner feminine and masculine energies need emotional balance to recalibrate in moments of activation. In moments where our feminine has encouraged what we are moving through emotionally, our inner masculine needs to see us in that to support the process as well. Not one, without the other. If you do not identify with masculine or feminine energy, envision the land with the ocean, the mountain with the valley, the sun with the moon. There are many ways we can relate to the dual nature we carry within us. We can learn so much by giving ourselves the space to feel.

When we can notice where emotion finds a home in our body, we can see what it connects to within its landscape. We can see the vines of our life experiences wrapping so tight, finding comfort in holding onto our pain. Noticing is the first tracking point to give us the choice of how to respond to ourselves next. A choice only we can give ourselves, so we can unravel, give some slack, and create generative movement for new growth.

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Wherever you are right now, a New Moon is above you. Offering a moment to set an intention for a rebirth in your life. A re-wilding. A time of devotion to even just one thing you wish to embody more, or move closer to. If this letter resonated with you, perhaps see what happens if for the next 28 days you embodied the wolf roaming the emotional landscape of your being. Sensing, tracking, observing, and following the scent of your emotional body. When something happens throughout the day, whether it be something you saw online, read, or something that was said to you, and it activates you; how are you creating space for consent to respond in a way that honors your boundaries and growth?

The final question above is where I will seal this letter to you, till we drop in together next month.

I wish you well!

Love,

Abbie

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